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Monday, August 1, 2011

The reasons for my absence...

I've been contemplating what to say for the past few weeks.
I haven't visited any of my favorite blogs in what seems like forever.
For months I haven't been sleeping well or at all.
My husband would go to work at midnight and come home at 7am and I'd still be awake, unable to sleep.
There have been so many things on my mind.
So many things that I fear.
Which has been causing me to have panic attacks every now and then.
Sometimes I feel like a hypochondriac (sp?) every ache every pain I think that my cancer has returned or spread.

I feel like I never really deal with anything.
When I was diagnosed I stayed busy every moment of every day so that I don't think about it.
I was tough throughout my treatment even when it seemed to have kicked my ass certain days.
After surgeries I would get back up.
But now I feel like I've fallen.

I had an appointment with my oncologist July 20th and today he called me with my results.
There shows some atypical cells on my cervix.
I've been prescribed some estrogen cream to use for 3 weeks and then I will see my other oncologist.
I guess they are hoping that the abnormal cells are from menopause and all I need are hormones.
I am so scared....I don't really know what to think.
I'm trying not to think and been busy all day.

My husband is also due to deploy to Afghanistan very soon...
and there has been some strain in our marriage.
(Not deployment related)

If you would please keep me in your prayers I would be very grateful.
I'm sorry I haven't visited ya'll and hope to get back in the swing of blogging again.

Have a good night.

13 comments:

At The Picket Fence said...

Michele, I saw your post in our dashboard and wanted you to know that I will be praying for you. First praying that you will have peace in your spirit and in your heart. That you will be able to sleep and get the rest you need. I am also praying for you to feel the comfort of your Heavenly Father as you work through these recent health concerns. Last, I pray for strength for you and your husband as you anticipate his deployment. There are so many in the blogging community that have dealt with this, make sure to reach out and get the support you need! Please keep us updated to how you are doing.
God bless!
Heather

Something Nice and Pretty said...

I agree with Heather so much, I also will be praying for you! You need the peace so that you can sleep, concentrate on that first those two little ones need you! As Heather said many in the blogging community have had to deal with this so DO reach out to them!

God give you comfort!
Rondell

Diane said...

I too will keep you in my prayers. Do reach out to us, your blog friends, it will make this time in your life a little calmer. I always tell my children - go have a cup of warm tea, it just helps! God bless you, Diane

Kimberly said...

I will keep you in my prayers Michelle! I have been to your blog before and I think I left a comment awhile back cause I saw in your profile you were in remission for cervical cancer. My Mom has had cervical cancer now for almost 4 years. She had stage 4. She has gone thru radiation, chemo and internal radiation. xoxo

Comeca Jones said...

Ohhh I so understand it really life happens. And as for the worries of your heart ...I have found that that when we reach our very lowest place that is the time of breakthrough.There have been seeds planted through prayer for you hang on! I understand sadness and depression I take medication and I am not ashamed to say
it.We should do whatever is needed to be whole for our children and our selves. My heart is full of hope for you. I leave you with this thought:God is able to reverse the adverse.If he is for us who can be against us?!As one door closes God is there opening another.I pray that you are healed in your heart in your body and in your spirit.~Meme

Wendy@~Chez~La~De~da~ said...

Michelle,
Bless you.....I will keep you in my prayers, so much to do think and worry about.
Take time to post us to all we can be a great source of strength if you let us be....besides, then you won't feel alone.
I cannot imagine my hubby being gone for that length of time, I get lonesome when he is gone for a 12 hour shift :(
My deepest heartfelt prayers and wishes
~~Wendy

Marianne said...

Hi Michelle,
I'm so glad that you found me. Oh, you poor thing. I will keep you in my prayers, remember that God is watching down on you and your family and will take care of you. Cancer is such a tough thing to deal with. My SIL was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 61/2 years ago, stage 2. This is her 3rd recurrence and she is just so strong. Cancer just breaks my heart. And to have your husband gone is just so hard. Just remember that everyone in blogland is here for you. Many have gone through similar things or have family and friends that have so don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
Marianne :)

⚜ ↁℯℬℬᴵℰ⚜@ Debbiedoos blogging and blabbing said...

Thoughts and prayers for sure girl. So sorry you are not sleeping well too...that certainly is not helping. TRY to get some rest the best you can,that will give you a clear mind for the next day.

Anita @ Cedar Hill Ranch said...

Oh Michelle, I have been so busy with life away from my blog that I missed this post. So sorry to hear this. I know fear can be overwhelming, and it is easy to worry about something bad happening when it has happened in the past. I am going to agree with you in prayer that you are healed by the blood of the lamb and that you will live and not die, (and tell of the good works of the Lord.) Psalm 118:17

Liz said...

BIG ((HUGS)) and Prayers...you got em'!! I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Hang in there and try and keep your faith going. I know that sometimes it's easier said then done, but God loves you dearly and is wathing over you and your family. Hang in there and know that we are all praying for you, ok? XOXO ~Liz

Stacey said...

I will say a little prayer for you. Sounds like a lot of stress and anxiety. I can relate at times. I hope you get good results at your encologist. Keep us posted.

Sarah said...

Michelle, when I read your About Me and realized that you had already dealt with cancer, my heart went out to you. I'm sad you have to deal with this fear in addition to all the other stresses of life. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

EliFla said...

I met you just few moments ago..but you are still in my prayers.... trust me..everything is going to go well.... hugs, and think always positive...Flavia